Standing Here

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Today NeYork is remembering, along with the rest of the country and beyond. I have been there. This spot is where I stood in June. I had decided early in the day that I would not get emotional. We waited in line to go into the 9/11 Memorial, standing and waiting was excitingly somber. Not meaning that being somber is exciting, but realizing, beyond any doubt that 12 years ago the devastation, loss, confusion and anger were very very real. If I closed my eyes flashes of what I saw on the news became clear. There is no way to imagine what it was like.

As we made our way further through the line I took IMG_3960everything in. People, smells, sounds and how I was feeling. Kaely was there as was my best friend Cindy. We didn’t really talk, at least that I remember now. I do remember thinking, “what would I have done, or felt if Kaely had been living here?” Oh my gosh, I need to keep her close you just never know. We continued there were people from so many Nationalities I stopped trying to keep track. As silly as it seems to some, I found myself anxious, nervous really.

IMG_3964We walked around the final corner and found ourselves in the center of the plaza.The pools to the left, construction to the right and up. Trees and black granite. We were silent, this place commanded quiet.

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I walked around in awe. I look through a window and inside there was a large a piece of the trident steel beam from the original towers. I felt a twinge in my chest, my heart actually.  I took a deep breath, looked the ground and felt a clump form in my throat. The kind you try to swallow away but it doesn’t work. I didn’t expect to be overwhelmed by emotion,” but overwhelmed I became. “I wasn’t here, and to the best of my knowledge I don’t know of anyone close who was here, then, 12 years ago. Empathy, I do believe I posses the trait. The lump in my throat started to dissolve as my eyes started to leak. Not much, just a bit.

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To stand there was so overwhelming. To think of the loss, the pain… I don’t think there are words to describe that.

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We left the Memorial and continued our exploration. We went to Wall Street and on the way a passed the cemetery. It wasn’t until today that I was aware of the location of this cemetery. Flipping channels I came across photos of the rubble and debris, it went on for blocks. There was a photo of the cemetery, buried under a layer of grey dust and debris, almost unrecognizable.  I have that photo, only 12 years later.

Gound Zero Wall4020Where is God in all this, many asked. Why did this happen? Is this the beginning of war? So many questions and very few answers. God however was there, and here when it happened.

IMG_3963There is nothing that goes with out Him knowing. At times it is very hard to know He is there, events so horrid that it doesn’t seem real. He is there, today, yesterday, tomorrow and for always. We will not always have the answers, that is where faith comes in. Faith, Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. He is here, with us, in us and works through us. Then, now and far into the future

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